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Musical Kitten
As I round the last corner of my musical adventure, I realized something quite profound about myself. I’ve done a lot of thinking over the last few weeks (not to mention, you always discover a little bit more about yourself when you have to explain “why you’re here” to everyone you meet.) What I have discovered, or perhaps rediscovered, is that I am the musical equivalent of a kitten. I get excited and curious and want to play whatever is in front of me at the time. I can’t seem to focus on ONE thing for a real long time.
Look at the grant I wrote. Most people might have just picked 1 thing to do, but I picked 4 very different things, in 3 drastically different cities, and really stretched my time, energy, money and myself to the max. I’m glad that I did though, because I’m not sure I could have been satisfied any other way.
Now I’m brainstorming how can I use this kitten-like curiosity to my advantage as I continue to focus on becoming a better, more creative (and successful) jazz musician. My life can’t continue down the quasi-unsatisfying path it was heading before I got this grant. Can I find a way to balance all things that interest me without getting lost and accomplishing nothing?
I realized that some of my musical fatigue, prior to working on this grant project, was due to me trying to practice and teach what I “should”, rather than what comes more naturally to me. I need to make sure that I stay true to my own way of learning and being creative. Gotta keep true to myself. 
My biggest goal, as I head back into my real life and away from being on the road, is to stay curious, keep going out and meeting people (even if I already know them) and listening to concerts, and to put some of my own ideas and inspirations together into musical groups. I need to create a more satisfying musical life for myself and not let these five weeks become a waste.
Posted in Jazz, My Story
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Chicago Intro
I’m currently in Chicago. I left DC on Wednesday, after taking a early morning lesson with Chris Vadala at the University of Maryland. Getting to Chicago was kind of a hassle, everything from getting stopped 3 times by various people who said my saxophone case was too big to go on the plane (to which I have to explain to them that it’s a musical instrument and that yes, in fact, it does fit in the overhead) all the way to my flight being delayed by an hour while in the airport and another 30 minutes while on the tarmac. By the time I got to Chicago and got to the hotel, I was exhausted. So I ordered a deep dish pizza to be delivered, called my dear friend and musician tour guide Frank Rosaly, and crashed early.
Thursday I went to catch the early set at Andy’s Jazz Club and wasn’t particularly impressed by what I heard. I’ll talk more about the experience in another entry, but while I was there, I started to think about why the audiences in jazz clubs continue to decrease. Then Frank and I met up for the opening concert in the Made In Chicago: World Class Jazz series featuring Tortoise with some special guests. It was an amazing space – outside theatre with an awesome view of the city, but the sound was a little funky and unbalanced. That was a bummer, but I still enjoyed it.
After that, Frank and I ended up at Elastic and listened to some fantastic improvised music and I got to meet some of the musicians in the free jazz scene here in Chicago. It was really cool and they immediately welcomed me. We ended up hanging out until past 3 AM at a local Mexican restaurant serving $1 margaritas.
Friday did some work, then I played tourist a little and wandered around Downtown and walked by the harbor. It’s beautiful in Chicago right now (much cooler than DC).
More on the Chicago free jazz scene in my next post. Gotta keep you wanting more.
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Brotherhood
One of the things that I truly love about being a musician, especially a jazz musician is that you are immediately in this “brotherhood” of musicians. I have been so fortunate in my life to be constantly surrounded by kind, open, good-hearted, passionate people and those who aren’t tend to go away rather quickly.
The week at the Aebersold Camp was an unparalleled example of that, as I saw seasoned professionals welcome beginners into the brotherhood with open arms. I saw people from all over the world interacting musically and socially with each other and sharing little pieces of themselves to perfect strangers. Everywhere you went, you found people who shared the same passion and curiosity that you did and it didn’t matter if you were enjoying a meal together or an elevator ride, you took advantage of that time to ask a question, tell a story, meet someone new or just appreciate how special the time was.
Since being in Washington DC, I have made so many new musicians friends and have been welcomed into the DC jazz community with open arms. All you have to know is one musician and as if almost by magic you know them all. (Well, not quite, but it’s close.)
I have so many stories about meeting people throughout the last 3 weeks that I have been doing this grant project – many of them connected to other musicians I know or have met by just one or two degrees of separation. I joked with a friend last night that I should make a flow chart or musician tree to document everyone I have met or worked with. It would be really interesting.
Everyday I’m thankful that I get to play and teach music for a living. But heading out of Phoenix for 5 weeks in a row, to 3 different cities across the country where I only know 1 person, not entirely sure how everything would go down has reminded me just how incredible and amazing the “brotherhood” truly is. There’s no strangers – only friends.
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The Future of Jazz Education
Jamey Aebersold, David Baker, Jerry Coker, Dan Haerle, Ed Soph, and Rufus Reid - July 16, 2010
One of the most amazing parts of attending the Aebersold Summer Jazz Workshop was getting to meet so many fantastic players and educators. I’ll be posting more about my experiences, but I felt like it was best to start with these 6 incredible people – the ones who started it all.
One of the most amazing parts of the camp for me was getting to personally interact with people, who up until that point in my life, has simply been authors of the jazz books I own. I was able to enjoy meals with them, ride elevators with them, sit near them at concerts, see them perform, take lessons, attend masterclasses and generally get to know them as people. It was truly incredible for me. I will share individual stories in another post – there’s many.
This picture was taken on the last day of the workshop and I have to admit, I got a little emotional. Jamey introduced each of them with a story and made us all laugh. It shows how much their friendship has been an important part of keeping the camp and jazz education alive.
Which got me thinking: what is the future of jazz education? I thought about what would happen when these guys don’t want to or can’t do this anymore. Who’s going to take over what they have started and keep introducing young and old alike to playing jazz?
I asked 2 people that I met at the camp that question, and got 2 very different answers, which I wanted to share.
The first, a bass player from Florida, said that it was over. He said no one would take over the camp and jazz education as we know it would end. I have to admit that was more than a little surprised by his comment. It was incredibly dark for the end of such an awesome week. But everyone’s perspective is different. I hope he’s not correct…
The second was a trombone player and middle school band director from New Orleans. When I asked him who was going to take over jazz education he looked at me and said “It’s going to be us.” I had to laugh – because that’s exactly what I was thinking.
It’s said that we need goals – I have a huge one. I want to be a good enough player and teacher that I will be asked teach at the Aebersold Workshop someday. I’m serious. I’ve got a shitload of work ahead of me – but it’s something I truly want.
Jamey’s CD Recommendations
“All the answers are out there. They’re on the records.“ – Jamey Aebersold
During day 2 of the Anyone Can Improvise Seminar, Jamey made some CD suggestions so people could find a place to start when building their collection. (Fun Fact #1: Jamey owns over 15,000 records.)
I own most of what he recommended. In fact, I own about 85% of the all the “standard” CD’s that were available to purchase at the workshop. These are 4 that I didn’t own, recommended by Jamey, that I own now.
Posted in Education, Jazz
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Life Changing Moments
Today was the first day of the Aebersold Summer Jazz Camp in Louisville, KY. Technically, it’s day 2 of my grant journey, and although day 1 was interesting and exciting, I’ll save it for another night. (The 3 hour time different from Phoenix has really messed with my schedule.) Right now, I’ll talk about the Anyone Can Improvise seminar by Jamey Aebersold.
Now unless you’re a jazz musician who’s been living under a bridge for the last 50 years, you’ve heard of Jamey Aebersold. I certain had. I own a decent number of his play-a-longs and quite a few of the jazz books that he publishes. Many of my teachers know him and so I had heard some stories. I still wasn’t entirely sure what to expect but I was very excited to meet him and hear what he had to say.
Jamey getting ready for the Anyone Can Improvise Seminar - he's was constantly moving - hence the blurry image.
The seminar was in lecture format – but I found Jamey’s insight, humor, and story-telling to be engaging and thought-provoking. The energy in the room was one of nervous curiosity, as students of jazz from all ages sat in college desks looking through hand-outs and getting ready to take notes. I had my iPad out (which had PDF’s of Jamey’s Red Handbook and some staff paper.) and my Zoom H4 which recorded probably 80% of the day (until my batteries died – poor planning on my part). I will have to go thru it at a later date and post some of the gems. A lot of what Jamey talked about resonated with me… especially his opening where he said “today is about liberating yourself from those things that hold you back.”
Sitting in the room with a bunch of strangers, I suddenly felt like this was one of those special moment in life, one of those life changing moments where you know that the decision you made to be there is the beginning of a huge change – and that it I was exactly where I needed to be. I have had a few of those moments in my life – when I dropped out of college and moved cities, when I decided to become a flute major at ASU, when I decided to take Mike Crotty’s arranging class in college, when I started teaching at ASA, and now today…
At lunch, I recorded this in my car. It doesn’t really say anything new that I didn’t mention above – and I’m just talking to myself while driving, but you can get the emotion and the understanding from my words. At the very least, you can hear my voice. Enjoy
Posted in Education, Grants, Jazz, My Story
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What I want to do
“That’s great, because he does what you want to do”, said one of my closest friends when I told him about taking a lesson with Chris Vadala as a part of my grant project.
I didn’t think much about it at the time, but as I got into my car afterward, the thought stuck me: How is it that he knows what I want to do when I don’t even know what I want to do? I briefly entertained the thought of going back into the bar and asking my friend what he thought I wanted to do, but decided that I would marinate on it for a little while and ask him later.
The truth is, I’m not always sure what I want to do. I’m easily caught up different things that excite me at the time and I have a hard time staying focused. There are a few things that I do know…
- I enjoy being able to play and improvise on more than one instrument.
- I am the most passionate about creative music, particularly jazz, but I enjoy creating new music in any style.
- I need to be constantly challenged.
- What I truly want is for the stuff in my head to be able to come out through my horn. That would be the best.
Hopefully this grant project will help me get a couple of steps closer to doing what I want to do.
The hardest thing
Sometimes the hardest thing to do is, well, go. To get started. To move forward. This is true in so many different aspects of our lives – from trying to figure out what to clean first, to what to make for dinner. As a musician, the fear of what’s going to happen if you __________ (fill in the blank with “join that band”, “take that gig”, “attend that jam session”, “say no to that job”, etc…) can be completely debilitating. It can keep you in your house when you know you should be out schmoozing for gigs; it can cause you to leave your horn in the car instead of bringing it into the jam; it can cause you to say yes to something pretty awful just so that you can say “I have a gig”…. or, maybe it’s just me.
But I doubt it. I find that the more I struggle, er tackle my own fears and insecurities, the more musicians I find who are doing the same. It doesn’t matter the age or level of experience or relative “success”… we are all fighting. That’s the quality I find the most admirable – it’s not talent or money or success. It’s the ability to pick up again after a huge failure and keep going. And we all have them.
I look at my life as a “professional musician” and I see huge failures. Not insurmountable, mind you, but enough to make it hard to get started sometimes. This is a huge part of what this grant is about…. I took a hard look at my successes (and there are many) and the areas that I need improvement (hahaha, the teacher in me talking there) and I figured out what I could use some real “professional growth” in. But I wasn’t done – I needed the heart.
No musician does what they do solely for the money. I find the one’s that do are often really unhappy. I struggle finding that balance between “doing my art” and “having a career” and it’s a constant juggling act. But your heart, your soul it has to be in whatever you are doing. Without it, things might work for a while, but eventually (and sadly, this could take years) it will crumble before you leaving you bitter and broken. We all know when our heart is in something – a project, a relationship, a job – but we don’t always listen.
In order for me to propose my fellowship, I needed to have my heart backing me up. What did I really want? If I had the money, no strings attached, what would I chose to do? What would truly make my life as an artist and musician better? Was I finally ready to admit what I really wanted? When asked, I always say “I just wanna play music” – but that’s only half the truth. The truth is that truly want to be an improviser, and a great one. I want to create something live and have it touch the world, even if only for a moment.
When I look at my professional life, it’s the biggest piece missing. And it’s the part I love the most. The part that gets me excited, the sparks that light, that fuels everything else. I channel it into other things – mostly arranging for school, but that has yet to keep me satisfied for long.
As the day my grant starts draws closer I find myself nervous. I was told it was a good thing – that being nervous meant I was getting out of my comfort zone and into something new. I’m definitely getting out of my comfort zone and working on admitting to myself where I am right now in this whole process so that I can move forward on my journey.
All I have to do is be willing to start. And I am.
Posted in Grants, My Story
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World Refugee Day Gig Photos
Here’s a couple photos of me and the Pangean Orchestra at our gig for World Refugee Day. Special thanks to Mimi Ahmed who took such lovely pictures! Her website and more pictures can be found here. Enjoy!
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