As I round the last corner of my musical adventure, I realized something quite profound about myself. I’ve done a lot of thinking over the last few weeks (not to mention, you always discover a little bit more about yourself when you have to explain “why you’re here” to everyone you meet.) What I have discovered, or perhaps rediscovered, is that I am the musical equivalent of a kitten. I get excited and curious and want to play whatever is in front of me at the time. I can’t seem to focus on ONE thing for a real long time.
Look at the grant I wrote. Most people might have just picked 1 thing to do, but I picked 4 very different things, in 3 drastically different cities, and really stretched my time, energy, money and myself to the max. I’m glad that I did though, because I’m not sure I could have been satisfied any other way.
Now I’m brainstorming how can I use this kitten-like curiosity to my advantage as I continue to focus on becoming a better, more creative (and successful) jazz musician. My life can’t continue down the quasi-unsatisfying path it was heading before I got this grant. Can I find a way to balance all things that interest me without getting lost and accomplishing nothing?
I realized that some of my musical fatigue, prior to working on this grant project, was due to me trying to practice and teach what I “should”, rather than what comes more naturally to me. I need to make sure that I stay true to my own way of learning and being creative. Gotta keep true to myself. 🙂
My biggest goal, as I head back into my real life and away from being on the road, is to stay curious, keep going out and meeting people (even if I already know them) and listening to concerts, and to put some of my own ideas and inspirations together into musical groups. I need to create a more satisfying musical life for myself and not let these five weeks become a waste.